All posts by Breakaway10

DONE

Okay so I actually was done on Tuesday butttt I’m just getting around to this post now and actually this will be my last one of the year!!! (Don’t be too sad it’s only a couple of weeks 😉 ) As you know, as I’ve been obsessively complaining about, I had my business law final on Tuesday. I also had an issue where I had to come home last Thursday to get my teeth fixed and since I only had one exam final I figured I’d leave the distractions behind and just stay through till the day of my final and go back then. The final was at 6:50pm so it wasn’t a huge rush but I wanted to leave early enough to give myself some time to go over things and unwind from the long drive and just be alert and focused and ready- not drowned out from a drive. So I intended on leaving at 9am but ended up leaving at 10:15 (typical) but that still gave me PLENTY of time..it takes 3 hours to get to school so I had a solid 5 hours back before the exam. I thought everything would be fine and dandy until I realized parking during the day wasn’t as free as I thought. I came down only for the day because I thought I could totally park for free but I found out there’s either meters, parking lots that cost money, or free parking but it’s only for 2 hours. I literally was doing loops around and around trying to find a place I could park until 9 after my exam- but I was coming up short. I was panicking and so stressed up but I ended up parking at a 2 hour free spot just to be there for now and then I’d go back to move it and hopefully have a plan of where I’d park. We also were doing secret Santa with all my friends and since I hadn’t been around I had no time to get a gift so I was frantically going to all these stores downtown that I passed on my way back from my car to my apartment. Absolutely nothing. I got back to my apartment and was very happy to see my roommates but I was also FAR too stressed out to enjoy time with them. I whipped my books out and began studying ASAP until my alarm went off to move my goddamn car. I figured I don’t want anymore anxiety than I have now so I just parked somewhere I could trust and close by…although it did cost money to park. But whatever…the exam was the thing I should be worried about. After I parked it I knew I HAD to find a gift now or never because we were doing it after my exam. I have never felt so much pressure and stress as I did during these couple hours I was trying to find a gift. I wanted something good but I also wanted to study but i ALSOOO knew I wouldn’t be able to study until I got the gift out of the way. So I got something decent, wish I could have done better but it was the best I could do in my situation. I had about 2 hours till exam time so this was when I went to cram mode. 30 minutes before I had to leave to first return my book I rented, I knew I had to let my brain rest. I shut my book and just laid there to calm it down and prep it for the test. Then I listened to music and relax me since that’s always been my approach to taking exams ever since freshman year so I did that and just went into it with the attitude- just do the best you can and then it’s over for good. I was so happy to be done. It was so hard and in fact a random guy in my class I never have spoken to stopped me like 10 minutes after I left the building to talk to me about how hard it was but I was just happy to be done. I actuallyyyy literally just got my grade back this second and I got an 87% so whatever. This semester has been so stressful and now all my hardwork has paid off pretty much. Blaw was hard and I did the best I could. SO I’m thankful and can’t wait to (hopefully) breeze through my last semesters of college and HAVE SOME FUCKING FUN!

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Studying for finals

I understand most of you are probably done finals at this point (lucky) but somehow Penn State is a week later than everyone else this year. My main tips I have to give for studying for finals, since there’s so many exams cramped up into such a small time period, are to start early and manage your time. It’s a good idea to make a schedule, allotting times for each class to study for. Since your workload is so built up, you need to begin much earlier than you would normally. Maybe prepare a study guide or flash cards a couple weeks before so you’re ready to go with them when the time comes. It’s also important to just breathe. Yes, it’s overwhelming but going in with a game plan will certainly calm you down and just remember you WILL get through them and it’ll be a thing in the past sooner than you know. You just gotta stick it out and study your little heart out. You can do it!

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done class for the semester

At precisely 2:15 this afternoon, I finished my last class for this semester! It’s always so weird in college when you go to the last class because you will never be in that same room with the same instructor and all the same people in the room with you ever again. You’ve been tortured there for 15 weeks and now it’s completely over. It’s a strange but awesome feeling.. I mean I guess it’s bittersweet because now it means it’s time to study for the final but it’s also good to know you don’t have to sit through that extremely boring class ever again. I really still don’t feel like it’s over- it hasn’t hit me. I’m actually currently typing this as I’m on a bus on my way home (see why in last post). It sucks because it’s messing with my head- usually when I go home it’s for break and I’m done but in reality I need to study for just one more exam. I hope it’s better at home than at school. Home = relaxation so motivation is at an all time low. BUT, with all my friends still going out this weekend, I’d be SO tempted to join them and not only not study but get shit faced wasted and not be able to study the day after. So, if I think about it, it’s probably better for me to be at home. Plus if I’m struggling I’m going to make my parents help me hehe. And I’m super excited to see my doggy most importantly!!!

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goin homeee early

So I just had a crisis last night- I have to go home to get my teeth fixed because my fake ones are messed up (F MY LIFE right?!). I literally had a panic attack when it happened. I was flossing and they started to come down with the floss. I’ve been trying not to touch them since but I feel like they are going to come off eventually now that they’re loose. I clearly need to go home asap because being partially toothless is a sight I don’t want anyone to witness. I couldn’t catch a bus home today but I had one for tomorrow at 5 and my appointment with the dentist is on Friday. I’m trying to avoid public situations in the mean time. I’m trying to stay positive and think this is a good thing because I won’t be distracted for my finals and will have peace and quiet at home. Also, Peter is visiting this weekend to drop off some stuff for next semester (and also obviously to party) and he is so distracting because all I want to do is hang out with him so it’s kind of a good thing that I’ll be at home instead…EVEN THOUGH I REALLY REALLY WANT TO SEE HIM!!! I didn’t want to go out this weekend to focus on finals too so this is good that I can’t even possibly be pressured. I’m going to come back to school on Tuesday to take my business law final and then drive myself home right after it’s over. It’s kind of nice because I get more time at home around the holidays since Penn State somehow only gave us a 2 week winter break when we usually have 4 weeks? I don’t know but I’m just using this is a blessing that I have this excuse to go home aka I’m just trying to be as positive as I can. All my reports due on Monday are to be submitted online so I don’t have to worry about that and then I just have that one blaw exam I mentioned so it kind of works out. I hope I can study at home, though, so it’s ultimate relax mode. At least I’ll have no pressure like I said. AND (I keep repeating myself over and over in this haha) I am so happy I can be home more for the holidays. When I’m at school it doesn’t even feel like Christmas but I really get in the spirit in my home. Sooo pray for me that my teeth don’t fall out before I leave for home ughh

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last real Saturday of the semester

I woke up Saturday feeling exactly how I should have from the night before…well actually I was definitely still drunk so I was in a drunk, happy daze. Emma came over since our thing with our friends is always to recap and since Amy and Brittany weren’t here it was just us too… and since we missed them we laid in their beds, talked about the night, and the video chatted with them to hear about theirs. After they had to go we decided to continue this video chat movement and try to chat with all of our guy friends- clearly we were still wasted. Recapping is one of the best things because you kind of relive the night but also get filled in on all the shit you missed because you were either not around or too shit faced to realize. That day was beer olympics and I originally was going to work on a group project but got peer pressured to get out of it so I did BUT I kind of just wanted to sit around and do nothing and finding a team last minute was not a challenge I was up for. If you don’t know what beer olympics is it’s a bunch of different teams that represent different countries and compete against each other in different drinking games. Meanwhile while they’re having fun doing that, I’m in my apartment dead on my couch watching movies and eating all day. I needed to revamp though so it was much needed. I was really afraid everyone would be too drunk to go out later .

I ended up going over to where beer olympics was held at like 7 and everyone was definitely drunk and dying out. I found some vodka and started to go to town. Somehow I got stuck in a room with Lauren and John…

If you don’t know how bad that is basically I used to have the biggest crush on John last year until I saw him hooking up with Lauren (one of my best friends) in front of my face. Lauren and I talked and didn’t know about each other’s feelings for him and [I thought] agreed to just both get over him but APPARENTLY not. She swooped in and has been after him all year. She’s been successful too because now they’re like ‘together-ish’. Every single party they’re together so if they’re in the same place- they’re hooking up and she most likely will go home with him. It’s just annoying how she did that but whatever. It’s not so much whatever when she is all flirty literally right in front of me. Especially when it’s just only us 3 in a room. That’s like extremely rude. I was pretty pissed but luckily Emma came back from getting food and we left the room together and saw that basically everyone left. It was just me, Emma, and two of the guys that lived there. We were all taking shots together, blasting and dancing to music and I was seriously having the time of my life. They surprised me how fun they were. It was more fun alone with them than with the huge group. Our one friend Gabriella left one of the rooms where she was fighting with her ex boyfriend and she was crying so we left with her to one of our friends’ apartments. We had the intentions that we were still going to go out but no one was making moves and at this point Emma and I were so tired we just went home. I passed out for a good two hours and woke up at 4:30am with a text from the guy from the night before. I said sorry I passed out, anticipating a text in the morning but he texted back right away and said he was still up if I wanted him to come over. I said yes because I wasn’t thinking but when he came and we started hooking up, something came over me and I wanted nothing more than for him to leave. It might have had something to do with the Lauren and John thing but I really really him away from me. I just don’t think he’s the ideal guy for me and I’m not one to just hook up with someone just because. I want that spark and excitement. I made up that I was sick and kept trying to hint for him to go home but he JUST WASN’T GETTING IT!!! I was getting so mad. I literally was saying I was going to throw up and was sitting up, getting water, walking out into the living room, and whatnot and this guy is just laying there and dozing off in to sleep randomly. I got so frustrated I had to actually ask for him to leave. I’m not trying to sleep with you in my tiny bed all night when I’m “sick” you freak. (hahah I’m such a bitch) .. He was so nice about it all though so I kind of feel bad but whatever. I can’t handle how I feel. He even texted me 5 minutes later saying he hoped I felt better and when he woke up. It’s hard when they’re nice but maybe he’s too nice for me. I just know when I really have that feeling for someone and it just wasn’t there for me. I guess because I was so blacked out Friday I didn’t even realize but Saturday I had that 2 hour sobering up nap to see that I wasn’t really in to him. It’s a shame but now I know- learning experience I guess.

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last Friday night going out in the semester

The past weekend was essentially my last real weekend because finals are next week and that means I have to get my shit together and not be a huge mess like I get on the weekends. I know I can study and do my work during the day and I probably won’t do much at night when I would be going out but the whole thing is when I go out I wake up extremely late and 9 times out of 10 I’m so hungover that I can barely think. Regardless of how sick I feel the next day, it takes me a WHILE to get going rather than if I didn’t drink the night before I’d be nice and fresh and ready to go.

Alright so this weekend… talk about a freaking shit show. I wasn’t even planning on going out this weekend because I have 4 presentations this week but then I got really in the mood and I didn’t even have that much work to do for them at all since we basically already got everything done for them SO I went out. My roommates Brittany and Ali (I swear I probably change their names every single time because I can never remember what I switched them to) went to Pitt for the weekend because Ali’s best friend from home who goes to Pitt was turning 21… aka it was Jessica and I left alone in the apartment. I had a pretty busy day on Friday so I was really pumped to go out. I blabbed on and on last posts about how sick I am of the rugby boys so I was trying to find us other plans for the night. However, the girls down the hall from the two rugby apartments – where Jessica lived last year so we’re friends with all those girls- was having a Christmas party so we were kind of obligated to go to that and all the boys would obviously be going there too. I wanted to see Connor and those boys at some point first so I dragged Emma to pregame the pregame with me there. I planned on taking it easy but anytime I go there, they get me really drunk. They love fucking with me and know they can easily trick me into drinking a lot- and somehow they always always always succeed. I was pretty tipsy when I left but I thought I was at a good level. I told Connor and them to come by later to the party because 1. I wanted to hang out with them (obviously) and 2. so it wasn’t like hey! let me binge drink your alcohol and then bounce. Emma and I got to the apartment complex and everyone else was still pregaming the party so we got sucked in to continuing to pregame hard. It was literally us and all boys so you can only imagine how quick and constant the shots were. Girls cannot handle what boys can!! I blacked out pretty hard this night but I do have random conscious moments where I’m just being a loud drunk obnoxious idiot. I remember still being in search mode for alcohol when we got there.. Emma and I always seem to do that for whatever reason. Then, I saw a bunch of people from home that I knew who all literally came piling in the door. One of the roommates at the party we were at went to my “rival” high school so that’s how we’re connected. It was good finally seeing them since I hardly get to see them. One of the guys who I met last year through them came up to me and started talking to me saying he remembered me — yeah, last year when I was blacked out and thought I was funny I kept making fun of you and putting on a huge show literally in front of the huge party. We even had a push up contest…you’re probably reading this like what the eff but when I get really drunk I think I’m extra hilarious and just keep going and going with the one liners and/or insults. I could go all night. That’s what I did with him and that was literally the only time I talked to him. I was like um ya I remember you I kept saying you were gay and he ever so smoothly replied “yeah, well I’ll prove to you I’m not” and started making out with me. I am definitely not one who likes PDA so I felt really weird, even being at drunk as I was. I blacked out again and somehow I got away from him and was talking to all my friends on the rugby team, being obnoxious some more I’m sure. One of the guys the next day said they had a lot of fun with me this night – which kind of frightens me but I’ll go with I was just funny to laugh WITH and not AT. Haha.. Then, Connor and Kevin came and I hung out with them for a while. This is where I completely have zero memory. I just have texts from the morning from a guy named Terence saying he walked me home. I don’t remember getting home but I remember drunk eating my body weight (sort of) and then that guy from earlier texting me saying he wanted to come over. I’m an idiot so I said yes and he came over and we had an “adult sleepover.” heheh – I really shouldn’t have but it was time I actually interacted with a boy so whatever. Luckily, he left at like 7am ..I hate when they stick around.. and I got to go back to sleep. It was a pretty successful night. I was glad I wasn’t stubborn and refused to hang out with the rugby kids because I ended up having a lot of fun with them. I hope this continues because I do love them but sometimes they just are SO BORINGGGGG like come on guys LETS PARTY!!

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Saturday

Sorry it completely slipped my mind to blog buttttt yesterday was the one month mark to my 21st birthday!!!! Yee I cannot wait.

Okay anyways, Saturday night…we started at Lauren and Jill’s apartment. They invited the rugby boys over to pregame with us too. Like I was complaining about last post, they are NOT fun anymore. We were all just sitting around, people were hardly taking shots. It just was not a good time so me and Emma decided we had to leave and move on to the next place. My friend Connor (one of my best friends who I always hung out with freshman year) was FINALLY having a party after all the weekends I’ve begged him to. I like them because they’re always just trying to have a good time and get drunk. Those are my kind of people. They made a huge tub of jungle juice that Emma and I were immediately drawn to as we entered in to the door. We got a drink of that and my friend Kyle asked me to be his pong partner so I started playing. Magically I was amazing so we were on the table for a VERY long time- hence why I got so drunk. This is where the blurry explanation starts… I don’t know how we got off the table because we were undefeated (I know this because I obnoxiously kept saying it the entire night). Then, somehow I’m in Connor’s neighbor’s apartment in a room with 2 guys I know but not good friends with and two complete strangers…and a cat. I’m guessing this is why I was drawn to going there because I’m obsessed with cats and just want to play with one. I drunkenly was devising a plan to capture the cat and accidentally said it in front of the owner when we went back to Connor’s. Emma left at this point with everyone (they ended up coming after they stayed at Lauren and Jill’s for a while longer) but I wanted to stay and hang out with all ma boyz a little longer. I’m talking to everyone blah blah and there’s this one guy who is friends with all my close guys friends and I know him … just not too well. WELL I think he’s so cute and always love him when I see him. He was in the room with the cat and he was SO adorable petting it I just wanted to die. I remember standing next to him talking but LORD KNOWS what the eff came out of my mouth. I don’t even want to think about it. Next, I wanted to go meet up with everyone and I guess forced one of Connor’s roommates, Dave, to walk with me to the apartment. He said he was going to another apartment close by so I convinced him to walk me to my place first. Dave and I have a very weird relationship. He always sarcastically shits on me and acts like he hates me but deep down really doesn’t. He’s actually really hot but the way our relationship is made me never think of it before. Anyways, he took me into the apartment and didn’t want to go in…I mean I guess I understand I wouldn’t want to go in to a rugby party either if I was a random dude. Problem is, I was too drunk I couldn’t find the right apartment. I was wandering around looking for it and finally gave up. Some guy that found me felt bad for me and walked me allllll the way home (sounds safe, right?) but he was actually really nice and we parted ways a little before my apartment so I knew he wasn’t a creeper. I got back and Jessica is in the apartment with her new boy she JUST met and they’ve hung out like everyday. I ate my life away and was sexiled on the couch for the night. SWEET! Also, I don’t remember this but I definitely threw up because there was some on my shirt and residue in the sink haha so gross. I felt like I was going to die the next day but I can go in to detail with that in my post tomorrow. Just know I woke up with puke on my shirt….and by shirt I mean the shirt I wore out with also my jeans I wore out, and my hoops and all. HAHA IM SUCH A MESS!!

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Friday night

Friday night everyone was really pumped to go out because two of my friends had an exam during the day so celebrations were definitely in order. We were also really excited because the senior rugby boys were having a pregame for us. I don’t know if Ive mentioned them before but we all are obsessed with pregaming with them because they buy us soooo much alcohol like bottles on bottles… And of nice alcohol too like three olives, soco, absolut which is a huge upgrade from our usual one or two handles of vlad or burnetts. They never make us pay, either, I think they just like doing it and being “men.” It’s funny because the junior boys in our grade get so salty when we pregame with them and they know they get us such better stuff too. Step your game up boys then! The guys apartment who we were at was Greg and Kevin and they had their usual friends over and we just got into taking shots and playing games, dancing. The pregame is always the most fun part of the night when we start with them and none of us ever want to leave. Greg got sooo drunk and for some reason because so obsessed with me and wouldn’t leave me alone. I like him a lot but am not into him like that so it was really awkward and I just wanted to get away from it. We went to the juniors apartment and, especially compared to the pregame, was so boring and disappointing. I’m getting so sick of these boys, they’re not fun anymore. I don’t know what it is I can only think they just got comfortable with us and know us at a level where we can just sit and talk and catch up but I don’t freaking wanna do that on weekend nights!!! I wanna party! I got so bored I just went home. I decided after that that I really want to branch out and change things up because I feel like I’m wasting my time with them. I don’t have fun and there’s no new people to meet obviously. Also, I’m not attracted to any of them so won’t hook up with them so I won’t be getting any guys by consistently hanging out with them either. It’s just a complete lose lose. Things NEED to change around here, I want to have fun again. I know Peter when he comes back to school and is living with me (he has an internship in DC for the semester and he’s moving in taking Ali’s spot in the apartment when she studies abroad in Spain) wants to branch out too so I’m super excited for next semester. I need someone to be on the same page as me and I know he definitely is. So I’m hopeful for next semester and kind of have given up on this one. :/

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this weekend- Thursday

I’ve been a complete mess (clearly as I haven’t blogged in forever).. I had an exam Thursday which I was studying my butt off for and when that was over I was so happy and just wanted to party. I wanted to reward myself so much to the point where I ate so much food, stuffing my face and that led to going over and drinking and drunk eating. -____- (I SUCK I KNOW) Thursday night we pregamed at my apartment and then went to one of the rugby apartments per usual. When we first got there they were completely out of alcohol but luckily my one friend who was at the bars that decided to come picked up some beers and the party was back in place. I feel like I hadn’t been out with everyone in forever so it was nice to see everyone but of course it was the same ol sheit that we always do. I had the mindset that it was gonna be like that so I was just like okay I want to get drunk and we’ll make this fun. With that mindset, I actually had so much fun. We just took over the music and all were dancing and had so much fun. The boys unfortunately had a social with the freaking equestrian team before the party and all the girls didn’t take the hint to leave and lingered at the party the entire night. They were so weird (as expected) … half of them were staring at us dancing and the others were attempting to dance by themselves. It was just really weird and awkward but we ignored them and like I said it was our own, fun night. I had a blast for once and I feel like it was all because of my attitude. If I’m going in to the party thinking UGH this is gonna suck and I don’t do anything to fix that, then it’s gonna suck. I was still really pissed about how gross I ate, though. I really need to be hypnotized or something to get me to stop being such a victim of food. I’ll blog about Friday night tomorrow since each night needs its own post- it was a pretty crazy weekend…especially Saturday night and now that I’m not a hot mess I’ll be back on my blogging grind (my apologies :) )

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saying no to peer pressure

In college, especially when you move in to an apartment or house with your friends, you can be faced with a lot of situations where you need A LOT of will power. If you have a big group of friends, all you need is one person to implant the idea to drink because they’re bored, have no work, or just feel like it and then they convince everyone else to drink. I’ve been dealing with this a lot this semester. It actually is pretty annoying how much they suggest to drink. It’s almost every night..now you’re probably thinking I’m the biggest buzz kill over here but I think it’s important to have nights where you’re relaxed and just have a good night sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the day- not hungover, wanting to die…we save that for the weekend. I like balance in my life. I’m extremely healthy and love working out and eating well because it makes me feel good. That completely is wiped out if I were to drink every night. I don’t know why it’s especially bad this year but literally every single night someone suggests drinking on a random night with no plan at all…just to drink. That’s a complete waste to me. A lot of time that suggestion just fizzles but also a lot of times it gets carried out. It makes me feel super uncomfortable to say no but I know what’s right for what I want and I’m not going to be convinced in to doing something I don’t want to do- for my academics and my body. During the week I’m in weight loss mode… I can’t drink every night, I’ll never lose weight and definitely GAIN it. I just think of the goal in mind for everything I want and know that one random Tuesday night of drinking just with our guy friends when I know it won’t even be that fun isn’t worth it. I’ve seen my roommates look like death the next morning and they always say it was nothing special. Meanwhile, I’m prancing around, wide awake, ready for the day. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE partying…but I save that for the weekend. I work hard now, play harder later. I want to “earn” the celebration of making it through the week. It’s so much more rewarding and make those nights so much more special and fun. I do what I want and my grades and health/body will ultimately reflect those decisions –> okay I sound like such an annoying bitch right now, I promise I’m not. I’m just very driven! I care about a lot of things that most people don’t and I’m extremely determined… But I dooooo love my vodka :) Thursday, Friday, and Saturday only though :) :)

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