This weekend I didn’t get crazy wasted for reasons I’ve explained but also I don’t want to not remember the night and cannot get in trouble with the police again. It’s more fun when you’re not dying anyway so it’s really a win win Last night was my good friend Kait’s birthday party. She is literally insane. She went to my high school but she was a grade younger than me and I really wasn’t that good of friends with her until college. I love her because she’s so free spirited and crazy and hilarious because she’s like that. We ran the 5k together and I told her I’d go with her to purchase all the necessities for the party after. Some guy went and got all the alcohol (6 handles of vlad and 4 cases of natty) and then we went to Walmart to get everything else after we dropped all the alc off at her apartment. We got a piñata because she was determined to have a piñata full of weed….yeah, I told you she was crazy. And she got mixers for the jungle juice and skippys she was making and just chasers for shots. I was literally dying while shopping like so tired and it was more of an exhaustion than anything. It took me a while to figure out but it was definitely from me working my body too hard throughout the week. I didn’t take any break days when I usually take 2 and we ran the 5k way too fast that I think my body was just shutting down. I came back and passed the eff out for 2 hours. I woke up and ate dinner but I think from a combination of me being famished and pmsing, I was SO hungry. I cracked and ended up eating so much food like ice cream and cookies like cheated so so bad. I felt so much better, though. I finally had energy. I felt a little guilty but was like alright I definitely can’t drunk eat and decided this was my one cheat to keep me sane and I was glad I was sober to actually enjoy it. We went to Kait’s and seriously got so drunk because she had so much alcohol. All the rugby boys came too and we just drank, played flip cup, danced and had a really good time. Sean came too but I seriously am so over him he sucks. I think I just wanted it to work because itd be easier but he’s not my ideal guy and I just need to move on to something better. We went to one of the rugby boys’ apartments and drank more… They are literally so nice and got us so much alcohol and chasers and were so giving I loved them. They literally waited for us to open the liquor. We got super fucked up there and headed over to the main party at a rugby house. It was super packed and so many randos were there. There were also a lot of recruits which was funny but it being crowded really ruined things. My roommate Amy was sooooo drunk and she just got her second underage so I knew I had to take her home before things escalated and she got in trouble again. On the way home I was seriously planning out this huge meal to make when I got home. I was like oh well fuck it I already cheated today who cares. I was getting more and more excited about it walking home but was also fighting within myself saying I really shouldn’t. This is the process that always happens though. We got back and Amy passed out instantly and by some miracle I convinced myself to just go to bed. I did and was so happy with myself in the morning. That’s what I need to remember- I will ALWAYS be happy if I don’t eat and it’ll never be worth it ever ever ever. I didn’t drunk eat all weekend even though I did splurge after dinner but that isn’t like drunk eating. I’m proud of myself but I also do wish I didn’t go crazy on the food earlier. No ones perfect though and I just gotta move forward. One meal isn’t gonna completely throw me off and I’m happy I can tell myself no now when I’m drunk. I’m hoping I can continue this forever.