Sobriety

I have been ranting on and on about how this semester is hell. The work never ends and I’m constantly doing something. It’s really stressful and after being so exhausted from stressing out and doing work, I just feel like chillin and relaxing. I don’t even feel like going out and being crazy. It’s sad but I get it… Sooo Thursday everyone went out and I stayed in and smoked alone. That sounds pathetic but my brain was so shot from my exam, there was no way I could do anything but rest my body and mind. Also, my best friend here has mono so she can’t drink for a little while and I told her I’d just smoke behind her. Therefore, between the stress of school, having Emily not drinking and not wanting her to feel left out, and alsoooo me not wanting to binge eat/drink so ill be skinny when I go home to see my family and friends from home (Okay that was definitely a run-on sentence hahah). So I’ve been using all my reasons to guide me to just smoke this weekend. If there were actual fun parties going on I’d probably still drink but last weekend I went out even when I felt sick and it wasn’t fun at all… Complete waste. I was so pissed. And Amy just turned 21 so I assumed they’d just go to the bars. They all went to the bar at 5:30 because it was nice out for a little happy hour and that’s when I knew the night was going downhill. They still attempted to go out but the 21 year olds went to the bar and the underagers were effed. Emma and I smoked and were too high to go out and good thing we didn’t waste the night by drinking because Brittany and Gabriella were trying to find something to do and couldn’t so they stayed in and made food. Sooo they drank at home and stayed and just ate food. Just what I’d be pissed if I participated in. When I smoke I never feel like its wasted because you always have fun smoking, even if you’re just staring at a wall. Now I may seem lame but until people start actually doing fun things I don’t even care. And on top of that this weekend, its a canning weekend so a lot of people aren’t here. I think my decision is smart. I just gotta suck it up one weekend for schoolwork and not gaining weight and it’ll be worth it in the end. And smoking is awesome so I’m still having a great time. The state of mind I’ve been in, it’s actually probably more fun for me to just smoke so this is for the better.

Breakaway10

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