things are finally starting to come together

I was having a rough time between schoolwork, my weight, and guys (kind of I guess) and when multiple things aren’t going your way, it really affects your life. I know I couldn’t be happy going out and partying until I was happy with myself. I wanted to just suck it up and get my life back on track- then I could truly experience happiness and go out carefree.

First- my grades. The beginning of the semester I didn’t do so hot with my exam scores, assignment scores, and whatnot. It’s not like I didn’t try but I know I could do better. I did average but I’m psycho and really care about my grades and DEFINITELY want to do better than average. I really started focusing in on my schoolwork and I’ve had a complete turn around- my grades have been a lot better and I’m much happier. I always am good at doing my school work but this time I studied/worked on assignments smarter not longer necessarily. I figured out the proper to way to tackle studying based on the professor and was a lot more successful.

Second- my weight. We all know I am notorious for binge drunk eating. It’s absolutely disgusting. I am the most disciplined person during the week but when the ease of the weekend rolls around, I somehow lose control. Some weekends I’m better than other but the last 2 weekends were atrocious (not the one that just happened but the 2 before that). I constantly was eating- I wasn’t even hungry but I kept eating. It’s definitely because I limit myself so much so I lose control but there really is no excuse for that gross behavior. I could have been at a little weight much earlier if I just cut it out. Anyway, I know if I get down to my goal weight I can drink and not worry about it because I know how to cut that weight out during the week. The problem was getting to my goal weight. Any time I would be like 5 pounds away, the weekend would hit and I would gain 5 pounds. SO last weekend I just smoked and didn’t eat so I didn’t gain any weight and I’m currently 2 pounds away from my goal weight. I’m leaving today for Thanksgiving break so I don’t have to worry about drinking pressure. So hopefully I’ll be at the weight I want to be when I get back. That’s my number one worry in life so when I have that figured out, I’ll be good.

The last part goes with the weight…I can’t seek out people to talk to if I’m feeling really self conscious. I just had to get back to where I’m confident and then I’ll get out there. Sooo I’m hoping after break I can finally get out there again. When I’m over my goal weight I feel so unattractive and that no one will want me. I know seeing yourself is a lot different than how other people perceive you but I can REALLY tell the difference of my body (especially my face) with just a few pounds.

Anyway- I’m happy I’m getting my life back together because staying home instead of going out and avoiding situations where I think I might eff up my diet, etc. really cuts in to my social life. I want my freedom back!


ps. I won’t be blogging over Turkey Break so I will be returning the 26th!! Have a good holiday!

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