This is something that I had been praying would never happen and it did…
Let me start from the beginning of the night, though. We started the night pregaming at Lauren and Jill’s. We figured we’d just group together and figure out what to do because rugby had a formal with soccer and we didn’t want to crash that and it be extremely awkward. All the boys were telling us to go but still, it’s a social and a bunch of NARPs (non-athletic regular person) rolling up might not be the best idea. However, halfway through the pregame, Jill’s boyfriend (who is on the rugby team) said that the soccer girls were pretty much all leaving so we could go. We finished drinking and headed over. There was maybe 2 soccer girls still there by the time we got there, but they were on their way out so it didn’t even matter. We went upstairs and I found a handle of vodka so Peter made me a mixed drink that was SO strong, probably half vodka, half lemonade and I KNEW I was on my way to black out city. We did venture downstairs and I played pong and absolutely sucked, don’t think I made one cup. It’s sooo blurry, I really don’t even know what I was doing but my memory comes back in when it was like 5 of us dancing together. Then, Lauren and John start grinding with each other and I’m like okay this isn’t good but it’s just dancing, whatever. THEN, they start making out and I lose it. I always feared this – I’ve talked about it before in my blog posts. If he gets with other people that are random, I don’t mind as much but the fact that it was my good friend right in my front of my face, I couldn’t deal. I went upstairs and walked out and started crying like a freaking loser. Brittany came out with me and was talking to me about it and trying to calm me down. My emotions were so intensified because I was drunk. I hardly ever get sad when I drink, but I guess when something bad happens, it’ll spark it. I’m usually just happen to begin with so that’s probably why I’m always EXTRA happy when I drink. Alcohol will strengthen any feeling you’re feeling. We left and I kept alone, away from everyone else who was walking and Alex kept calling me to come with her because apparently I was going the complete wrong way. Me, Brittany, Alex, and freaking unfortunately John’s roommate all walked back together. Brittany was asking his roommate about the situation but it’s the last thing I wanted. I probably said some embarrassing stuff so I’m absolutely dreading seeing him ever again. It’s probably better this happened so I got closure and can get over him quicker but it still SUCKS.
Lauren and I talked about it the next day and she felt horrible and said she had no idea. I wasn’t mad at her for that sole reason, I didn’t tell ANYONE because I didn’t want to be vulnerable. The shitty thing is, though, that she said she used to hook up with him in the beginning of the year and really liked him then and then it kind of fizzled out and then recently she’s been into him. I had a feeling she liked him since she always gravitated towards him at parties but the fact she confirmed it, sucksss. BOYS SUCK.